I'm...Pregnant?

I failed the bar. Got my results Monday. It’s been a horrible week (for many reasons - failing the most colossal test of my life is, believe it or not, only one of the reasons it’s been horrible). I’ve had a glass of wine nearly every night. My period is a couple of days late, but I’ve been so stressed that doesn’t seem abnormal. We’ve been trying to get pregnant for a few months, but a few days ago I felt the cramps that usually signify Aunt Flo is right around the corner. I was disappointed, but with everything else going on it just seemed par for the course.

Still, I shouldn’t be drinking wine if there’s even a chance. I thought, I’d better take a test just to be sure.

And there it was. Instantly, two little blue lines. Bright, clear, unmistakable. I screamed, ran into the bedroom and pounced on my sleeping husband, giddy. I waved the test in his face and cried,

“I’m pregnant!”

Half-asleep, he mumbled “Are you serious?” I was laughing, clutching that little pink test with both hands, reading and re-reading it just to be sure. One Line: Not Pregnant. Two Lines: Pregnant. “Yes! Yes!” I repeated. I warned him not to tell anyone just yet - I wanted to take another test to be sure. I hurriedly got ready for work and stopped at the store on my way in. I got a digital test this time and took it as soon as I got to the office. This time there were no little lines. Just the one word I was hoping, praying to see:

Pregnant.

I could barely contain the squeal. My mother works twenty feet from my desk. I brought the test with me and unceremoniously announced the news to her. She hugged me, excited, with tears in her eyes. Her oldest, her only daughter. Her first grandchild. It felt like a tremendous moment.

Then panic set in. I hadn’t been taking any prenatal vitamins! I am over 5 weeks in! I’ve had wine this week, and taken several steaming hot baths! I’ve committed the cardinal sins of early pregnancy! And symptoms? Nope - I’ve had none. No morning sickness. No fatigue. Are my boobs sore, or is that just the chest/arm workout I did yesterday?

But the fear can’t override my undulating joy.

I’m PREGNANT!